Maybe it's the fact that it's midnight or that I'm pregnant and emotional or that or that I feel really encouraged by hanging out with some great friends tonight, or maybe it's because it was one of those days that I felt the conflicting emotions of my incredible love for Mr. Mister and the challenges of his strong will.....but for whatever reason, I'm feeling reflective. And I had a realization.
I love Mr. Mister for who he is.
A lot of people see his entertaining, funny, sweet, and charming side. I tend to see (and focus too much on) the challenges that come from his strong, strong will and his personality that can be so different from mine. I see how he's always the kid running away, not coming when I ask him to, screaming when he's told no, yelling "NO, Mommy," hitting me when he's frustrated, doing what I am clearly asking him not to do, hitting other kids for no reason, breaking something in our house, etc. And on the days that it feels like everything is a battle, I wonder how God expects me to be his mom. I know that sounds harsh. It's a vulnerable admission. But honestly, it can be so hard.
But I realized tonight that I don't want him to be any different. He is intimately hand crafted by the Creator, the One who has perfectly equipped me and designed me to be his mother. Mr. Mister's strong will does not just exist to bring me to the end of my rope. It is who he is. And the One who knit him together in my womb created that exact will with purpose far beyond what I know. I am confident that that very will that is so strong in Mr. Mister will be used for eternal purposes in the Kingdom of God in ways that will make me fall to my knees in thanksgiving for who my son has become some day.
At church on Sunday, a woman told us that the previous week in the 2 year old class, a boy was crying and Mr. Mister went over to him, hugged him, and rubbed his arm out of such concern for his sadness. It brought tears to my eyes. And it reminded me how every single time someone gets hurt, the very first thing Mr. Mister does is go over and pray for them. He says, "Jesus, Daddy's foot feels better. Thank you, Lord. Amen." His compassion and empathy for other people is amazing.
And today, a light bulb went on for me when Mr. Mister was crying as I tried to put him in time out. He finally told me that he was sad because he didn't listen to me. I was shocked. I always thought he cried when I disciplined him because he was mad at me...that his escalating screaming was directed at me. But really, he was just so sad because he made a bad choice.
It's rare for such tenderness and such a strong will to coexist in such great magnitudes in the same person. So I know that it's the perfect design of a perfect Father who has perfect plans for this boy. And his mom, who is growing so much in the process. Does that make the tantrums easy to deal with? Does it make it okay that he doesn't always listen or that he can be randomly aggressive toward other kids? No. But it gives me so much hope. And it makes me love him for who he is. Not who I want him to be or who I think he should be or who he is compared to other people's kids. I just love him. Strong will and all.
6 comments:
Oh my gosh, Michelle... THANK YOU SO MUCH for vulnerably sharng this. I can relate to it ALL on SO any levels many of which surfaced big time this weekend for me as well. So this post is a gift from God to me as well. And so I thank you for putting yourself in a place to minister to me. Our boys are special and I just thank you, thank God for the reminder of HIS hand in them and on them.
i totally relate, too. thanks for sharing your heart. being a momma is so hard and so amazing at the same time. you are a great mom, and it is so cool to see how God is teaching you and growing you through this role.
Great post Michelle- thank you for sharing your deepest thoughts with your friends and family.
Linds
I know what you mean! Sometimes I find myself wishing that Mary was a better sleeper. She has always needed the least amount that anyone says babies need at her age. It can be frustrating at 6 in the morning! But then changing that would be changing her and I LOVE her! I don't want to change the rest of her! So I'll take the good with the bad:) Thanks for sharing.
haha-also wanted to say: his strong willed and passionate side will be good when he and Mary get married some day! She's so mild, she'll need someone who is bold;)
How fun it is to watch you grow in your motherhood! Being a mom is so much of a challenge but perhaps if you liken it to a basketball game, you will gain a new perspective.
Would you gain skills or feel good about your accomplishments if the game were always easy? It is those difficult, almost impossible to win games that make you a better player and make you feel good about the win.
So too with being a mom. Each challenge that you get through or that you help "M" work through in his young life will help you both grow.
These times will push you forward in your motherhood. Having gotten over one hill will give you the strength and determination to climb a new hill.
All these together will be "M's" mountain of life and just think....you and his daddy will play a very important part in getting him to the top!
No one said being a mom is easy but the reward sure it worth the effort!!
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