Being a mom is not so much what I expected. Expectations are interesting. I talked to a friend recently about how nothing is ever exactly what we expect it to be like...college, marriage, new jobs, working in Mexico, moving halfway around the world, etc. Being a mom can be added to that list. It's not that all these things are different in a bad way...they just are different because our expectations can never be comprehensive enough to include all aspects of reality. Most of reality can only be learned by doing, no matter how much other people tell you in advance.
So I had this expectation that motherhood would be bliss because I've always longed to be a mom...I have felt like it was what I was created for. So how could it not be the perfect fit right from the beginning? But somehow it wasn't bliss from the beginning (I'm not sure what could be bliss on this little sleep!). The first couple weeks I felt guilty because I didn't love being a mom. I mean, I loved Mr. Mister but being a mom didn't bring a feeling of "arriving" like I thought it would. And it took me a little while to realize that that's okay. And that if I search for a feeling of arriving this side of eternity, I will never be fulfilled.
Today Mr. Mister is 4 weeks old. And today I loved being a mom.
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