The Mother's Dilemma

Disclaimer:  This post is just me processing my life.  I realize that there are moms who are busier than me and moms who work full time or have more kids or whose kids don't sleep much or whose husbands work late or who are going through traumatic life circumstances.  So I'm not looking for sympathy from everyone who is just as busy with life.  And I'm not complaining either.  Just processing and being real.

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Sometimes I just feel like I can't keep up with everything.  There are rings in my toilets that need to be cleaned, visible dirt on my carpets that needs to be vacuumed up, toys laying around that I swear I just put away, random things that don't seem to have a home but shouldn't be thrown out either so they end up sitting in the same place for a long time and that eventually becomes their home, and laundry that I've given up hope on catching up with. Most of the time I just dress my kids in clean clothes out of the laundry basket instead of putting them away in their drawers.  So if you see them wearing the same things over and over, that's why.

And that's just the house.  Then there are emails to write and phone calls to make and dinners to plan and cook and errands to run.  And when two kids don't nap at the same time all day, that leaves my first free time at 9pm after they are both finally asleep, at which time I have a decision - go to bed early so I can actually get up early and feel like I get some time before mommy duty starts, hang out with my husband and finish all those conversations we start throughout the crazy evening, or do some of the things on my to do list so I can feel even the slightest bit productive.

And so it is, the mother's dilemma. But, it is so worth it.  I wouldn't trade days at the park and museum and mornings of reading books and doing puzzles and making playdough and playing with flour and glue and playing in the sandbox for anything in the world.  I'm just being honest that it can be hard. 

So, I'm realizing that I need to adjust my expectations.  Instead of feeling entitled to a couple hours in the afternoon like I used to get when Mr. Mister was the only little one around, I need to just be thankful when I do get an overlap in nap time.  That's easier said than done.  I'm trying to lay down my agenda but the truth is, I just feel better when there's some order in my life and I get a small chunk of quiet before I go to bed. And maybe even a shower.

So my mantra remains...It's just a season.  Someday I'll have a lot of time and my house will stay clean longer than 10 minutes after I clean it but then I'll miss having little kids and all the fun activities and cute cuddles that come with them.  And I remind myself several times a day that a clean house and order in my life are not my life's purpose.  Loving God and raising my kids to love Him are.  And there is much more eternal purpose in those things than my shiny toilet bowls (although those do make me happy.)

P.S.  You may be wondering how I have time to write a blog post in the midst of this chaos.  I will let you in on my shameless secret:  Elmo videos on YouTube in Daddy's office.  Mr. Newton is napping and Mr. Mister thinks he's working with daddy.  Have I ever mentioned that I have the greatest husband in the world?